Keith

We have been in the hospital for a week and a half now. Brought keith to the hospital on Wednesday April 20th because he had been feeling really sick and getting worse. After running several tests they found 8 cysts on his brain and 2 masses on his lung. Finally after a biopsy, they diagnosed him with carcinoid lung cancer that has spread to the brain. We started radiation on Tuesday April 26th, Keith was really confused, didn't know what was going on and would say a lot that didn't make sense. His speech was slurred and it was hard to understand him. After 2 days of radiation, he started to get more alert, stay awake longer periods of time and his speech is getting better. Physical and occupational therapy have been working with him to get him ready to go home and even though he tires easily he's making really good progress. Today is Saturday April 30th and they hope he is ready to go home mid week. We take things day by day. Mom and I are both a little skeptical of some of the things he says because of the confusion but he told us yesterday that he talked to Gary and we were unsure because how did he get the phone but he said the nurse gave him the phone and asked if he wanted to talk and he did but then he said Gary would be here thursday and friday so we didnt know if he really did talk to him or if he thought it was a different day but then Linda called and said Gary had talked to Dad and he sounded good so she wanted to call too. So he knew what he was talking about just a little confused on the day Gary would be here. So i definately think radiation is shrinking those cysts in his brain.

My beautiful Angel Brandon

My nephew who was 17 was killed in a car accident in 2009 and since that time has taught me several lessons. First, life is short. Enjoy each and every moment. Dont take nothing for granted because one day it could all be taken away. The second lesson is, that I finally totally believe in Heaven and Angels. I believe he is with us always. The other day, I was driving and pulled up to a stoplight i turned quickly and there was a car to the right of me which looked like his car and the boy looked just like Brandon with that great big smile of his. I miss him so much everyday. Lately, he has been on my mind a lot. I'm feeling a little guilty that next month in May, i will graduate with my Associate's degree from college. I feel guilty because we should be watching Brandon graduate from college, then see him get married and have babies. I do believe though that he would be extremely proud of me for sticking with school as hard as it has been and finally getting a degree. I will be the first person in my family for generations that has graduated college. I'm very proud of that. I just wish there were certain people here to celebrate with me. I would like my dad there but he drinks everyday, I would like my Grandma and Grandpa Gott there as i know they would be so proud of me and I would like Brandon there. I know that they will be there in spirit but it will be an extremely difficult day not seeing their faces in the audience. My brother also will not be there for me as he can not get the time off work. Its gonna be a rough day, but both my sisters will be there and my niece Jade will be there. I'm really excited. I have B's in all my classes so far and am doing pretty well this semester. I really thought I would struggle with chemistry and I'm doing better in that then I am in Microbiology but I brought my grade up from a C to a B recently so I'm very proud of that fact.
Brandon, My angel, I miss you and love you. Watch over us and protect us every single day. I love you Brandon. I can't wait to see you again in Heaven.

a little history of relationships April 10,2011

I've been married and divorced twice. My first marriage to Don was very abusive mentally and physically. We married in 1995 and divorced in 2002. I got 2 beautiful children out that marriage and would do anything for my kids. I also had an older son from a previous relationship. My children are now 17,15,12. Kodi, Katelyn and Andrew are my world. Everything i do i do for them. Don is still very controlling and is currently keeping me from bettering mine and the kid's life by not allowing us to move to wyoming where i can make more money not to mention it is where my entire family is. My 2nd marriage was to a man i thought and always wanted to spend the rest of my life with however, he cheated got another woman pregnant and lies constantly. i have taken him back more times than i can count hoping he will change. He doesnt. We got back together late 09 after being married from 2003-2008 seperated in dec of 06 just didnt get the divorce until 2008. Anyway, i took him back in late 2009 and found out early in 2010 that he had gotten another girl pregnant. He lied to me all through her pregnancy telling me he didnt know if it was his or not and then telling me he didnt know if the baby was born or if it was his. We planned to move to wyoming in August of 2010 and not knowing till later, he was asking this other woman if he could move in with her all along telling me he wanted to move to wyoming with me. well because she didnt let him move in, i moved him to wyoming which 3 weeks later he broke up with me for no reason. Just left me here to deal with Don and all the court bullshit. Finding out later in court had he stayed with me and we planned to marry again the judge wouldve let me move up there. I finally contacted the other woman and come to find out, everything he told me was a lie. he went on a trip to south carolina with her and that's when she got pregnant. we were together when he took that trip. The baby was his all along and she called after the baby was born and he went to the hospital and signed the birth certificate. Everything he ever told me was a lie. I was extremely hurt and turned to God to figure out why my life is so screwed up. I have since figured I let these things happen. I let men use me and abuse me. I have to stand up for myself. I have tried to be closer to God and have faith everything will work out for the best. I have become a stronger person in the last several months even though I have realized i still have a lot of work to do. Ray started contacting me a few weeks ago and the last time he contacted me through a walkie talkie on our phones. I felt all he was doing is lying because he said he was in Montana and i didn't beleive him because it doesnt work that far out and I just couldn't handle the lies anymore. I lied to him (god forgive me) I told him I got married and he needed to leave me alone. I knew all his lies and wanted nothing to do with him. Even though that is a lie to myself, It has to be this way. I will never trust him and do not believe that he can love me and only me and i deserve better than that. I miss him more than anyone in this world. I will love him until the day i die. I just wish he loved me that way i love him and wish he was committed to me like he always said he was.
I dated a guy in 2009 who treated me really well, he was totally committed to me even though he was a little immature, he was younger than me and his name was Wayne. well i ruined that relationship because of Ray and we had a huge falling out. He wouldn't talk to me for almost 2 years and recently has been asking me to come down to Hutch where he moved to recently and see him. I have done that but now i'm regretting it because i feel so used. I like Wayne a lot and would love to have another chance at a relationship with him but i'm afraid that he wont ever want the same and I'm wasting my time and money for someone who only wants sex. Maybe I'm better off just  being by myself and not throwing that in the mix of things. If he really likes me he will understand and if he doesnt well he can find sex somewhere else. So here's my thought, he's in town and never called me so the next time he wants me to come down to Hutch turn him down and see what happens. Maybe next time he will appreciate more or at least come over when he's in town. I tried texting this morning after he stopped in the store and he never texted back which means he doesnt want anything to do with me unless its for his pleasure. I don't want that mess in my life. I have done good with no one and I dont need to put up with that crap. He can't talk just as a friend when Im giving him benefits then he deserves nothing from me. I love him but i deserve more respect than that.