I've been married and divorced twice. My first marriage to Don was very abusive mentally and physically. We married in 1995 and divorced in 2002. I got 2 beautiful children out that marriage and would do anything for my kids. I also had an older son from a previous relationship. My children are now 17,15,12. Kodi, Katelyn and Andrew are my world. Everything i do i do for them. Don is still very controlling and is currently keeping me from bettering mine and the kid's life by not allowing us to move to wyoming where i can make more money not to mention it is where my entire family is. My 2nd marriage was to a man i thought and always wanted to spend the rest of my life with however, he cheated got another woman pregnant and lies constantly. i have taken him back more times than i can count hoping he will change. He doesnt. We got back together late 09 after being married from 2003-2008 seperated in dec of 06 just didnt get the divorce until 2008. Anyway, i took him back in late 2009 and found out early in 2010 that he had gotten another girl pregnant. He lied to me all through her pregnancy telling me he didnt know if it was his or not and then telling me he didnt know if the baby was born or if it was his. We planned to move to wyoming in August of 2010 and not knowing till later, he was asking this other woman if he could move in with her all along telling me he wanted to move to wyoming with me. well because she didnt let him move in, i moved him to wyoming which 3 weeks later he broke up with me for no reason. Just left me here to deal with Don and all the court bullshit. Finding out later in court had he stayed with me and we planned to marry again the judge wouldve let me move up there. I finally contacted the other woman and come to find out, everything he told me was a lie. he went on a trip to south carolina with her and that's when she got pregnant. we were together when he took that trip. The baby was his all along and she called after the baby was born and he went to the hospital and signed the birth certificate. Everything he ever told me was a lie. I was extremely hurt and turned to God to figure out why my life is so screwed up. I have since figured I let these things happen. I let men use me and abuse me. I have to stand up for myself. I have tried to be closer to God and have faith everything will work out for the best. I have become a stronger person in the last several months even though I have realized i still have a lot of work to do. Ray started contacting me a few weeks ago and the last time he contacted me through a walkie talkie on our phones. I felt all he was doing is lying because he said he was in Montana and i didn't beleive him because it doesnt work that far out and I just couldn't handle the lies anymore. I lied to him (god forgive me) I told him I got married and he needed to leave me alone. I knew all his lies and wanted nothing to do with him. Even though that is a lie to myself, It has to be this way. I will never trust him and do not believe that he can love me and only me and i deserve better than that. I miss him more than anyone in this world. I will love him until the day i die. I just wish he loved me that way i love him and wish he was committed to me like he always said he was.
I dated a guy in 2009 who treated me really well, he was totally committed to me even though he was a little immature, he was younger than me and his name was Wayne. well i ruined that relationship because of Ray and we had a huge falling out. He wouldn't talk to me for almost 2 years and recently has been asking me to come down to Hutch where he moved to recently and see him. I have done that but now i'm regretting it because i feel so used. I like Wayne a lot and would love to have another chance at a relationship with him but i'm afraid that he wont ever want the same and I'm wasting my time and money for someone who only wants sex. Maybe I'm better off just being by myself and not throwing that in the mix of things. If he really likes me he will understand and if he doesnt well he can find sex somewhere else. So here's my thought, he's in town and never called me so the next time he wants me to come down to Hutch turn him down and see what happens. Maybe next time he will appreciate more or at least come over when he's in town. I tried texting this morning after he stopped in the store and he never texted back which means he doesnt want anything to do with me unless its for his pleasure. I don't want that mess in my life. I have done good with no one and I dont need to put up with that crap. He can't talk just as a friend when Im giving him benefits then he deserves nothing from me. I love him but i deserve more respect than that.
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